One Per Week

So I decided to challenge myself to average one date per week for 2009. That's 52 dates in the year. No problem! Fifty two is not that large of a number...

I was forced into an early retirement mid summer. Turns out 52 is a lot! I maintained my average, but was exhausted! However, it was fun! I ate really well and had some great stories to share at Taco Tuesday! :)

One of the ways I upped my average at one point was to go speed dating. Yes, it really exists! I have had two speed dating experiences so far, one which was part of this year's challenge. For those of you blissfully out of the dating pool, speed dating involves a room full of proclaimed singles which are paired up at random. They have a "date" that lasts about six minutes and then a bell rings and all the men rotate. The result is 10 dates in one evening! No need to pick out the perfect outfit for each one. No time to obsess about where to meet or who is going to pay. You don't even have time to get nervous! And if it goes poorly, it will be over very soon without any excuse about your friend's dead cat needed to allow you to escape.

The first speed dating experience I had felt like being in a movie. I effectively went out with the whole spectrum of men in one evening. There was the multiple divorcee, the man whose mother lived with him six months of the year and left him individually packaged frozen meals to get him through the remaining months, the man who kept touching my hand, the man who did not speak the entire time except to make odd comments about my clothes (six minutes can be reeeeeeeaaaaaalllllllly long!), you get the picture. Having gone into it with an attitude of simply being entertained by the experience, the evening was quite fun. I laughed a lot and met some interesting men. My second speedy evening had a very different feel. The room felt heavy with disappointment, almost sadness. I almost wanted to flee before my sparkle was snuffed out.

Where does that sadness among single people come from? I went out with some fantastic men this year, men with great jobs and interesting hobbies...full lives. Yet there is this pervasive belief that many have in a need to find that one person that "completes" you. Wow. That is a lot of pressure! No thank you. Does that mean that single people are incomplete??? I don't think so. I would love to find a person that I could balance out, compliment, inspire to be their best self, and vice versa, but COMPLETE THEM??? No way!

I was rockin' out to Alanis Morissettes' 21 Things I Want In a Lover today. What a great song! I know, I know...you associate Alanis with bitterness and angst... But listen to the words. Or look them up online if you don't like her music. I'll give you a little taste because there is some profound wisdom there. And I'll ask you: what are your 21 things? And if you are not single, what are 21 things you love about your partner? Maybe you should tell them...

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom? Are you funny a la self-deprecating, like adventure, and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry; I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cause I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure

In the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow...